Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A heavy week

This past week has been interesting. The mood at school last week was heavy. It was heartbreaking to watch the high school kids and their teachers grieve.
Questions in my class were generally only related to the 'how did he die?' and 'why did his friends write mean things on his facebook wall?' (why do my 8-10 year olds have access to facebook!?!) I'm glad I didn't have to deal with the emotion of it with them. It was hard enough dealing with my own.


Last Friday I joined almost 1000 other people at the funeral, crammed in the downstairs auditorium of the local Country Club. Despite the dodgy sound equipment and the noisy air conditioner you could hear the whole service (though you couldn't see it from my vantage point). It amazed me that 1000 people, mostly teenagers, stood in reverent silence for almost 2 hours.

His mother was so brave. It was just the 2 of them from before he was born. They were closer than any mother and son I've ever met. It was so hard to hear her sob as she spoke of her boy. But it completely broke my heart to watch her walk behind the hearse afterwards. I don't know how she did it. The absolute pain that was on her face is forever etched in my mind. She stumbled past, looking as though she could fall in a heap at any moment. I wanted to pick her up and hold her and sob with her and help her carry the burden she is carrying. But instead I stood, with everyone else, and watched.

I have never been a mother. I can't fathom the pain of losing a child.

Today we had a memorial for him at school. All of years 5-12 and last year's students attended. Three of my girls had permission to be there too. It was a great celebration of his life. I am so grateful that I work in a Christian school. Dealing with the death of a Christian teenager in a Christian Community has been hard, but hope-filled. Celebrating the 18 years we got to borrow him here and the eternity he is now living out with his Maker. But without the hope we have, how do you deal with death?

Our School Chaplain spoke about the legacy this kid left (he was a very passionate kid, who was always challenging himself). He challenged the kids (& us) about the legacy we are leaving. God has ordained each of us for a specific time and purpose. Are we passionate about carrying out the calling God has placed on each of our lives?

It's been an interesting week. Lot's of mulling. I don't have a good conclusion.

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